20 5 / 2013
My tribe, the true matriarch! #igboland #iboland #igbo #ibo #nigeria #naija #proudnigerian #proudigbo #chinuaachebe
08 5 / 2013
"My philosophy: A friend is a loyal, honorable, and trustworthy individual such as yourself, who shares similar, if not, the same views and values as yourself, including one who stands right besides, not conflicting with you, looking at the same end goals. An enemy is the opposite. If someone who calls themselves your friend stands with your enemy, they are obviously not a friend but an enemy."
18 4 / 2013
"It’s not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It’s our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless."
11 4 / 2013
Projection
Projection. Projecting. To project.
I don’t mean the result on a wall surface of the machinery that reels film or slides by using rays of light and lenses. I’m speaking of the psychological terms.
In Psychology, these terms mean, a form of defense in which unwanted feelings are displaced onto another person, where they then appear as a threat from the external world. A common form of projection occurs when an individual, threatened by his own angry feelings, accuses another of harbouring hostile thoughts. (http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/478472/projection)
Now, I’m by no means perfect but one thing I am is enormously self-analytical; I’m my own worse critic. Not to mention analytical of the world around me. One thing not all may know about me is that I put myself through psychological diagnosis just so I know myself the more and understand others as well. Afterall, I love the world of psychology and am pursuing it as a degree. That may make me seem insane, or to some, narcissistic, but I’m far from it psychologically and literally speaking. I may harbor bits of those characteristics (we all do), but am not them fully. I am just a fully aware human being. I understand myself, my faults, and my glories, altogether. And can say that my words home the truth.
Let’s get back to the topic at hand; projection. I’m speaking on this because I recently reconnect with a mate with whom I had a, shall we say lightly, outs with. This human being is by far a wonderful soul, a grand artist, and highly cognitive. I hold them in great respects. They certainly intrigue me psychological; in a odd way, I see them as a psychological subject. I know, sadistic, huh? But in recollection and analysis of why we even had an outs, the term and verb Project sings loudly.
When we sat down in that dimly lit bar, nervous, I presume, of what this meeting would anticipate, we spoke of the olds and news in our lives. We also spoke on the changes in who we were from the last person we left one another being. We each had grown a lot, which is expected to happen in a year’s time.
What surprised me the most in who this mate of mine had to say about who they have become was that, a lot of the things they had accused me of being, a lot of issues and annoyances and borderline hatred they had for me and the way I lived my life (and still do), has now been adopted by them. They are now on the wagon I was and am still riding on, inches near me, by the way.
At the time when we were constantly feeling an awkward air between us, they acted as though who I was becoming and note comfortable in was someone to be ashamed of. But yet, now, a year later, they are that same person, our slowly becoming. I knew that they were projecting, or rather at the time, it was just my guess, my analysis of what was going on with the certain change and harsh criticism of who I am from their lips, and stares. To now reconnect with them and catch up what the miss-outs only to hear them repeat the titles I use to call myself, and act the way I use to act, I am not sure how to take it.
Should I be flattered, or feel hijacked? Should I feel as though they owe me an immense apology, or just take it on the chin? One question that always resonates to me is, do they acknowledge all of what happened, all of how they tried to tear me down, only to be who they seemingly hated in me? Are they aware that this outs we had that ended what I thought was a beautiful friendship and kept us apart for a year is their fault? Are they tapped into the turn out as I am?
You know, when they told me this, I didn’t even say anything back. I just raised my eyebrows, which is an expression of disbelief in its right, and allowed them the chance to finish their update. I just listened, so as to avoid pointing this out and causing another rift in this new route this wagon we are on is taking.
That leaves me with this…
Projection is a very strong defense mechanism. Those who do it cannot imagine the harm it causes to the ones they project on. It’s a form of manipulation. To take your self-hatred, your self-loath, your guilt, and self-embarrassment and flip it unto an innocent person is a vile characteristic. It isn’t something that can be analyzed or cured overnight, and of course it begins with self-awareness and admittance, but it is something that needs to be spoken about. I can dig up my archives on these topics, I tell you.
